by Rich Albright
Doing Repair Right: The 10 Most Common Pitfalls - Part 2
6. If the apology does not land, ask, “What else do you need to hear in order to accept my apology?”
7. Avoid piling on other issues. No “kitchen-sinking” (dumping other issues or fights into this one) and don’t bring up patterns of behavior.
8. If it’s not enough, there may be other work to be done. If one of the two of you has issues trusting each other, you may have an “attachment injury” which will require professional treatment.
9. This repair process is limited to one event. This process can work for many terrible fights. It cannot, however, handle major, long-term patterns of secrecy or betrayal. In that case, professional help with a therapist will be required.
10. Stay focused on the goal. Remember, you are not trying to resolve the issue. You are processing how your communication about the issue went wrong. It’s not about finding a fix or a solution for the issue itself. It is about fixing the way you communicate about the issue, so that future fights like this one can be avoided.
We are human, and we all make mistakes. However, if we can turn a regrettable incident into an incredible learning opportunity, we can find a way to love each other better.
Next week: The Conclusion
7. Avoid piling on other issues. No “kitchen-sinking” (dumping other issues or fights into this one) and don’t bring up patterns of behavior.
8. If it’s not enough, there may be other work to be done. If one of the two of you has issues trusting each other, you may have an “attachment injury” which will require professional treatment.
9. This repair process is limited to one event. This process can work for many terrible fights. It cannot, however, handle major, long-term patterns of secrecy or betrayal. In that case, professional help with a therapist will be required.
10. Stay focused on the goal. Remember, you are not trying to resolve the issue. You are processing how your communication about the issue went wrong. It’s not about finding a fix or a solution for the issue itself. It is about fixing the way you communicate about the issue, so that future fights like this one can be avoided.
We are human, and we all make mistakes. However, if we can turn a regrettable incident into an incredible learning opportunity, we can find a way to love each other better.
Next week: The Conclusion