
by Rich Albright
Fight #5: The Chasm In The Room
Mistake: Ruminating About the Fight
The big mistake many couples make is trying to “just move on” from a fight (or a regrettable incident), instead of processing it. Conflict is a normal, unavoidable, and often positive part of life and love but conflict can be messy and even traumatic.
Ineffective ways to process a fight:
Results of ineffective efforts to process a fight:
There must be a better way, right?
Next week: Signs You Need to Address a Past Issue
The big mistake many couples make is trying to “just move on” from a fight (or a regrettable incident), instead of processing it. Conflict is a normal, unavoidable, and often positive part of life and love but conflict can be messy and even traumatic.
Ineffective ways to process a fight:
- We apologize too quickly, before we really understand what we’re apologizing for.
- We try to sweep it under the rug when we’re still upset. We end up keeping it to ourselves.
- We try to process the fight but fail and make it worse.
Results of ineffective efforts to process a fight:
- We create a wedge (The Chasm in the Room) between spouses. This leads to more conflict or avoidance and decreased connection.
- Intimacy breaks down.
- Everyone erects protective walls.
There must be a better way, right?
Next week: Signs You Need to Address a Past Issue
