by Rich Albright

Doing Repair Right: The 10 Most Common Pitfalls - Part 1

  1. Don’t try to have the conversation too soon.  Wait until flooding has dissipated, and you can process the incident in a calm, rational manner.
  2. Go step by step.  No skipping allowed!
  3. Remember that there are two realities.  The “truth” is irrelevant.  Perception is everything.  The goal is to understand your spouse’s point of view at a deeper level.
  4. Don’t misunderstand what a trigger is.  A trigger is an event from the past, from life before this relationship, that generated the same set of feelings.
  5. You must do these steps without criticism or blame.  Use “I” statements.  You are using your words to paint a picture of your own inner world, not to describe the “badness” of your spouse.

If you are able to master these principles, you are on the pathway toward healing!


Next week: Repair Pitfalls - Part 2

Previous Weeks