by Rich Albright
How to Stop Flooding - Part 1
Here’s the big thing to remember about flooding: you have to stop and deal with it. There is no way to have a productive or a positive conflict conversation once you are flooded (overwhelmed).
To prevent the damage that takes place when flooding occurs and ensure that conflict conversation continues, learn to recognize the signs that you are getting flooded. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP!
The classic signs of flooding include shortness of breath, gritted teeth, a tight or achy jaw, heat anywhere within the body, a face that turns red, a feeling of being kicked in the gut, tight muscles, eyes narrowing, a heartbeat that races (over 100 beats per minute), a queasy stomach, and a spinning mind.
Why is the recognition of the signs of flooding so important? It is a proven method of avoiding escalating into a regrettable incident with your spouse.
Once the signs of flooding are recognized, either spouse can short-circuit the damage by following what we call the Modified Time-out Technique.
Modified Time-out Technique:
Next week: How to Stop Flooding - Part 2
To prevent the damage that takes place when flooding occurs and ensure that conflict conversation continues, learn to recognize the signs that you are getting flooded. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP!
The classic signs of flooding include shortness of breath, gritted teeth, a tight or achy jaw, heat anywhere within the body, a face that turns red, a feeling of being kicked in the gut, tight muscles, eyes narrowing, a heartbeat that races (over 100 beats per minute), a queasy stomach, and a spinning mind.
Why is the recognition of the signs of flooding so important? It is a proven method of avoiding escalating into a regrettable incident with your spouse.
Once the signs of flooding are recognized, either spouse can short-circuit the damage by following what we call the Modified Time-out Technique.
Modified Time-out Technique:
- Agree on a buzzword or a hand signal that both spouses will honor by immediately stopping the argument. Examples could be the time-out signal or a phrase such as, “I need a break.”
- Physically separate from one another, to allow the opportunity for stress hormones to be discharged from your bodies. These will interfere with rational thinking and prevent problem-solving.
- Set a kitchen timer for at least 30 minutes. Then, if both of you are calm, reconvene and attack the problem, not each other.
- If flooding happens again, repeat the time-out and address the issue again.
- If flooding still prevents resolution, agree to disagree for the moment and seek assistance from a Mentor, Pastor, etc.
- Throughout this process, respectful behavior is a must. If the issue is not resolved and outside help is necessary, resume respectful behavior while help is sought.
Next week: How to Stop Flooding - Part 2