by Rich Albright

One obstacle to healthy grieving in marriage is the inability or unwillingness to forgive your spouse – either for not being perfect or for the ways they have hurt you.

To begin with this topic let’s define forgiveness.  Forgiveness, for our discussion, is giving up the right to get even.

So, let’s examine what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not:

• Forgetting.  Forgetting is evidence of a brain malfunction, nothing more.  Forgiveness does, however, allow the offended person to move forward, as the memory of the event begins to move from the present into the past.
• Pretending that unacceptable behavior is acceptable.  Unacceptable behavior must be identified and dealt with so the offender is held accountable for his or her behavior.
• Letting the offender “off the hook” or releasing them from the natural consequences of their behaviors.  For example, if a spouse lies to their counterpart, they may be forgiven but trust is lost - at least for a time.  If one spouse spends more money than agreed upon, they may be forgiven but that money does not magically reappear in the checking account.

Next week: The Power Of Forgiveness In Marriage Part 2