by Rich Albright
Changing The Situation In Order To Deal Effectively With Loss
There are two ways in which a situation can be changed in your marriage.
The first and most productive move you can make when you are not pleased with the way that your marriage is going is to change yourself. It is not always possible to have a relationship exactly as you would like it even when what you want is good and right. The truth is, the only person in the entire universe that you can change is the same person that you see in the mirror while you brush your teeth every morning. There is no one else that you can change! Therefore, concentrate on becoming the best possible person and on pleasing God and you will have done everything that you are capable of doing.
The second possibility of changing the situation is to agree to work on a change together with your spouse. Take a risk! Be vulnerable with your mate and gently express a deep desire for something that the two of you can work toward together. If either spouse wants to attempt change as a couple they must go to the other and ask for help. The key to success in this situation is how carefully and lovingly the approach is made. In asking for help, it is important not to blame or accuse the spouse. No hostility must bleed through into the conversation. Heavy use of the terms “I” and “we” will increase the chances of success in this discussion. Avoiding the “accusing you” type of statements is also essential.
Next week: Actively Grieving Loss
The first and most productive move you can make when you are not pleased with the way that your marriage is going is to change yourself. It is not always possible to have a relationship exactly as you would like it even when what you want is good and right. The truth is, the only person in the entire universe that you can change is the same person that you see in the mirror while you brush your teeth every morning. There is no one else that you can change! Therefore, concentrate on becoming the best possible person and on pleasing God and you will have done everything that you are capable of doing.
The second possibility of changing the situation is to agree to work on a change together with your spouse. Take a risk! Be vulnerable with your mate and gently express a deep desire for something that the two of you can work toward together. If either spouse wants to attempt change as a couple they must go to the other and ask for help. The key to success in this situation is how carefully and lovingly the approach is made. In asking for help, it is important not to blame or accuse the spouse. No hostility must bleed through into the conversation. Heavy use of the terms “I” and “we” will increase the chances of success in this discussion. Avoiding the “accusing you” type of statements is also essential.
Next week: Actively Grieving Loss